Wave Goodbye: Monty Williams


The Haunting of Good-Guy Monty Williams

An Uncle Rico Production

Monty Williams will be fired after our Game 6 loss at home tonight.

Let me repeat that: Monty Williams will be canned by season’s end.

Tonight, fans of the Phoenix Suns will be met with heartache yet again. Not only will it mark their ousting from the NBA Playoffs with a Game 6 loss in the 2nd Round, but it will also mean a complete overhaul of the roster. This overhaul will be top-down, meaning beloved head coach Monty Williams will be first to go.

Those of us who remember the lean years of disavowed Suns owner Robert Sarver will always hold a special place in our heart for Monty. He came in at a time when the Suns organization was the laughing stock of ALL major professional American sports. 

Monty Williams

Up until Monty’s hiring, the only productive move our franchise made was to draft Devin Booker & Mikal Bridges. That’s it. Never forget, the Suns passed up on Luka Doncic for the 5ft 107lb diva C Deandre Ayton.

But along came Monty; during a COVID-19 interrupted season. Once the NBA resumed play inside the “Bubble” at Disney World, we had a regionally mythical run of games to try and gain entrance into the playoffs. Something magical happened inside the Magic Kingdom that Suns fans hadn’t seen in a decade…

We started to believe.

We fell short of the playoffs in 2020, but we did something no pundit on earth predicted the worst rated team would do; we went undefeated (8-0). Monty Williams lit a fire of “belief” in the squad. Being limited by COVID, there was nothing to do but eat & breathe basketball, and even more important for a team of nobodies, bond in their newfound belief. In the offseason, new GM James Jones made a move for HOF PG Chris Paul & 2020 Finals participant Jae Crowder, building on that momentum created from Pastor Williams.

With new belief and a revamped, veteran roster, the Suns rode this new belief all the way to a 2-0 lead in the NBA Finals.

Then it happened. 

A meltdown of historic proportions.

A poltergeist from Arizona Sports past tormented our poor head coach, reminding him what it means to be a part of Arizona Sports.

“You must choke in winning time; in the most epically pathetic fashion.”

Helpless, Monty obeyed his poltergeist, spreading his lack of belief into every fiber of PHX. With demonic chants of “Suns in four” powering the evil spirit, they proceeded to lose the next four games in a row, and more importantly, missed out on the opportunity to extinguish their ghosts by acquiring a talisman of sorts; our first NBA Chip. They beat the odds in the absolute worst way possible.

Common responses like “there’s always next year” & “great effort” have been repeated so many times by PHX fans, it should be etched on our family crest, or more appropriately, our headstones. And still, we do; and we did.

Next year came, and we were an even better team. We achieved the #1 overall seed in the 2022 playoffs, touting the NBA’s best record. But true masters of Sports Paranormal like myself recognized what was to come. An #8 seed taking the Suns to a Game 7 was all the proof we needed to know the poltergeist never left. Except this demonic spirit was even more vengeful & spiteful than the last. In true AZ fashion, the Suns found a new way to mythically embarrass themselves on the biggest stage.

Up 3-2 in (you guessed it) the 2nd Round of the 2022 NBA Playoffs, the Monty allowed an even more epically terrible collapse. He helped coach the Suns to a 27pt blowout loss in Dallas, only to outdo it in Game 7.

In front of myself & the rest of the ignorant Suns fans still believing, Dallas performed a live human sacrifice of the Suns HC & players INSIDE OUR OWN TEMPLE. They butchered us with such a bloodlust, that there was little meat even left to sacrifice to the Basketball Gods by halftime. 

33pts later, we were bounced from the playoffs again.

Favorites to win it, only to fall short.

Fast forward another year to tonight’s Game 6 in our temple. Once again, we are the pundits’ favorite to win the NBA Championship this season. GM James Jones made an astronomic trade at the deadline (unlike any in history) to bring the future NBA And once again, we have our backs against the wall, because our players are playing afraid due to the hauntings. 

Specifically, Monty Williams is haunted to such a point, he has no answer. His even-keel, lack of fire approach has left our team & fans uninspired. Just take one look at Deandre Ayton & tell me he isn’t possessed by fear & mediocrity. Monty has no confidence in his play calls, he’s flustered drawing up defenses, & all he does is iso Book & KD, hoping we get foul calls. Booker has played nothing short of angelic, floating from above to drop endless points through halos. But even his other-side performances can’t exercise the demons from Monty’s coaching.

He can’t coach the big one. He can’t lead men during the big one. He doesn’t have the edge a leader needs to get down the throats of some of the lackluster, underachieving players. He looks like he could care less if he wins or loses. And that’s probably true, in the big scheme of things. The man has mad perspective & is a true leader of men. But unfortunately, his first job isn’t to make good, respectable men. His first job is to win. Period.

You want to preach & teach, go coach high school or college. And I would love Monty teaching my hypothetical children really anything. But coaching my basketball team during a “Do or Die” game? Not so much. Now, that being said, the coaches can’t play. If the players who’ve been around since the Finals bust haven’t been completely neutered yet, then they need to show some fucking balls and back up their coach. He can’t play the games. Ultimately, it’s on you to extinguish your own ghosts……before it’s too late. You want him around, still? You need to finish the job. There is no reason a roster with CP3, Book, KD, & even Ayton’s lame ass shouldn’t be crushing skulls.

I will gladly be wrong about everything I’ve just said, but I know AZ sports too well. I won’t be. There isn’t an exorcism on this planet that can rid Arizona sports fans & franchises of their soul-capturing, soul-crushing, soul-torturing demons. 

Certainly not tonight. Most likely, never.

Thanks for trying, though, Monty. I’ll try & remember the fond times & what you built, even if it is all about to get pulled down.

Oh yeah, we’re going to dump Ayton, CP3 and pretty much anybody not named “Booker, Durant, or Landale”.

Write that down.

1 thought on “Wave Goodbye: Monty Williams”

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *