The List of Collision Week 9 NFL Edition

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By Ron Johnson

With the NFL season hitting its midterm status, we can do several things. We can dish out grades, dissect and criticize teams’ mistakes, even offer rebuttals for mediocrity and subpar performances…

Or we can just show you that subpar is NOT in the vocabulary of Team Collision.

Week 9 List of Collision (Reese in Red, Captain in Blue)

32) Arizona Cardinals/Seattle Seahawks

It was expected that the Cardinals would be at the bottom considering that they couldn’t even get a field goal on Sunday against the Browns. But did anyone expect the Seahawks to not even show up for their showdown with Baltimore? 

31) Seattle Seahawks/Arizona Cardinals

No major stars were injured prior, but the Seahawks still play beyond abysmal. As for the Cards, we’re still not sure which Cardinals team was on the field against Cleveland. We’re wondering if a Pee-Wee Intramural Gym Team showed up in their stance.

30) Los Angeles Rams/Carolina Panthers

The Rams are experiencing some seriously severe growing pains. It was good to know we didn’t have to research Brett Rypien too long seeing as how he was waived the day after. The Panthers are going through those pains as well. Don’t be surprised if you see Andy Dalton make a return appearance in their next game.

29) New York Giants

They just got Daniel Jones back…then he went down with a season ending injury. But what hurts worse for the Giants? Is it the fact that they really have no chance of doing much this season? Or is it the fact that the ‘L’ they suffered this week was at the hands of former Giants Super Bowl player Antonio Pierce in his debut game? Or maybe is it because Dallas is up next???

28) New York Jets/Los Angeles Rams

The Jets were on a hot streak going into Monday night…then the Chargers kicked on the afterburners to send them back to reality. Only saving grace for the Jets? Aaron Rodgers looks like he might be coming back. As for the Rams, well let’s see what Carson Wentz can do after the bye week.

27) Carolina Panthers/New York Jets

The Panthers are set to possibly have the top pick in next year’s draft at the rate their going. Nothing is going right for them, while the Jets are just trying to figure out how their offense couldn’t capitalize on the defense snacking on Justin Herbert’s Subway sandwiches all night.

26) Miami Dolphins/New England Patriots

The Dolphins got KO’d by a kielbasa in Germany and left their offense in the US at least for the first half. But the way that game ended even made Mac Jones smile in defeat. Too bad the Pats are heading to obscurity along with the Panthers.

25) Tennessee Titans/Chicago Bears

The Titans could’ve/should’ve/would’ve beaten the Steelers if they continued to rely on the meanest runner in the NFL. The Bears cannot seem to determine if they are better with Justin Fields or without because their backup looks like Fields without the skills to survive in this league.

24) Chicago Bears/Buffalo Bills

Nothing else can be said about the Bears that Chicago Sports Radio stations are not already saying right now. As for the Bills, their Reign of Dominance is all but over IF the Dolphins can go back to being consistent. Sorry Bills Mafia…

23) New England Patriots/Miami Dolphins

It is rare for a pair of AFC East teams that were once dominant to be this far down the rabbit hole, but when you have relied on Tom Brady, Jim Carrey and Dan Marino to keep you in the conversation before Tua got healthy, Bailey got good and Hill wasn’t trash talking sprinters, one has to figure it was bound to happen.

22) Buffalo Bills/San Francisco 49ers

The Bills got a gift being up this far in almost everyone’s list. Granted, the “experts” will say that this is a hiccup and that they will bounce back. But they are saying the same thing about the Niners who have lost three straight. Did I forget to mention that they face the Londonville Jags this Sunday???

21) Dallas Cowboys/Pittsburgh Steelers

After giving the Cowboys a gift last week, they fell and fell hard after the barrage of mistakes on Sunday against Philly. As for the Steelers, The Captain is a man of his word when he said he has zero intention on rewarding sub-par, mediocre garbage teams.

20) Denver Broncos/Tennessee Titans

The one time when Denver is not giving their fans a weak stomach is when they are on a bye week. The Titans almost had it and have to be quicker than that. But for the love of Pete, start giving the ball to Derrick Henry already!!!!

19) San Francisco 49ers/Atlanta Falcons

The Niners are the only team in the NFC West that did not lose this week…too bad they didn’t win either. The Falcons had a heartbreaking loss to the Vikings, but Taylor Heinicke should have done enough to get the nod for the starting role.

18) Atlanta Falcons/Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The game of musical chairs involving Desmond Ridder and Heinicke will keep things interesting as the Falcons try to stay atop a still wide open NFC South. Baker Mayfield had a close to flawless game, but he couldn’t stop the shine of CJ Stroud.

17) Tampa Bay Buccaneers/Los Angeles Chargers

The Bucs lost a tough one to the Texans, but this isn’t on Mayfield. This is just seeing what happens when you get a chance to show up and show out. After getting embarrassed by the Cowboys a few weeks ago, the Bolts turned themselves back into contenders and got themselves back to .500 in the process at the Jets’ expense.

16) Washington Commanders/New Orleans Saints

The Commanders understood the assignment and went into Foxboro for their quick pop quiz. Mission accomplished not just for them but also for the Saints who had problems with the Bears but enjoyed the turnovers they provided.

15) Pittsburgh Steelers/Green Bay Packers

The Steelers survived the debut of Will Levis to their yard, but it’s only a matter of time before Mike Tomlin gets Sparta kicked into one of those three rivers. The Packers weren’t told to relax. Jordan Love just went out there and showed them that the future is still bright for them with a win over the Rams.

14) Green Bay Packers/Washington Commanders

Jordan Love is probably going to drive Packers Country to drinking, but as long as he’s still winning games, they’re good with that. Sam Howell stepped up when he needed to, but it was the ground game and a good defense that helped them defeat the once mighty Patriots.

13) Kansas City Chiefs/Denver Broncos

Despite it being ‘Es ist eine kostenlose Immobilie’ in Frankfurt, the Chiefs did not look as dangerous against the Dolphins. But they looked better after getting whacked by the Broncos, who are this high mainly because it was a bye week for them. FYI: It is not a typo; It’s German for…well, we’ll get to that later.

12) Cincinnati Bengals/Indianapolis Colts

The Bengals are one of the hottest teams in the AFC right now. After being down and out, they have bounced back. And beating the Bills should feel good to them. As for the Colts, these guys lost their rookie QB and slid in Gardner Minshew to replace him. They’re still in the hunt for the AFC South, so they haven’t lost too much of a step.

11) New Orleans Saints/Jacksonville Jaguars

If the South is indeed going to rise again, the Saints and Jags are doing their part to make it happen. While the Jags were on bye preparing for a visit from the Niners, the Saints were putting an end to another Bears turnover and adding another loss to their column.

10) Jacksonville Jaguars/Las Vegas Raiders

They made London their home this season, and they enjoyed some good home cooking. With the Niners coming, what will Doug and Co. have in store for them? The Raiders find themselves loving the departure of Josh McDaniels, while Antonio Pierce has them thinking differently for this season.

9) Indianapolis Colts/Detroit Lions

The Colts did their par in keeping the Panthers in check, but now the real work begins as they are in a division full of contenders trying not to be pretenders. They now venture to Frankfurt with a chance to put the final nail in the Patriots 2023 Coffin. The Lions return to the field with a chance to extend their NFC North lead. And with a new set of kneecaps in their division, are they ready to eat?

8) Detroit Lions/Cleveland Browns

A showdown with Justin Herbert is coming for the Lions as they try to keep their lead on the division. The Browns have a showdown with the Ravens once more that could have division lead implications with all four teams in the AFC North having winning records.

7) Los Angeles Chargers/Minnesota Vikings

The Chargers are not done yet as they proved on Monday night. But can they keep this up against a Detroit Lions team that is out for more than just respect this year? The Vikings lost Kirk Cousins and the backup to Cousins. What do they do? Put in a guy who barely knows the playbook…and win?!

6) Cleveland Browns/Cincinnati Bengals

With the division still pretty much wide open, it is no surprise that the Bengals will be rooting for the Browns this Sunday, while everyone in the AFC South will be rooting for the Bengals. Browns got the Ravens, while the Bengals got the Texans. Nice to see Ohio sharing a spot in the Top 10.

5) Philadelphia Eagles/Kansas City Chiefs

Last year’s Super Bowl Opponents share this spot as the Eagles did their part in taking down the Cowboys in a great game. And even though it wasn’t as high scoring as everyone hoped for in Frankfurt, Patrick Mahomes proved that it is indeed too easy for the Chiefs to get back on the winning track because…. “Es ist eine kostenlose Immobilie!” which is German for: 

4) Las Vegas Raiders/Dallas Cowboys

New Coach. New Front Office. New Vibe. New Look. These are the Raiders that almost everyone has been waiting for as they looked unstoppable against the Giants. Congrats and great job to Antonio Pierce. As for the Cowboys, they may have lost their ‘List of Collision’ Championship, but they did give us a great game on Sunday. Gotta count for something.

3/Universal Champion) Minnesota Vikings/Houston Texans

Joshua Dobbs had not had a practice with the team. He was just traded to them five days ago. After giving up a safety in his first snap, he won the game for the Vikings in the end. He is indeed the darker version of Kirk Cousins. So if Kirk is Mr. Icey, Josh Dobbs is Mr. Black Icey cause was slick but manageable. The Texans earned their title after giving us a great game to enjoy. And did anyone really see that coming? Someone did, which is why this may not be the only title Houston gets this week.

2/World Champion) Baltimore Ravens

It was our only other unanimous pick. The Ravens made the Seattle Seahawks look human on Sunday. Geno Smith looked like the old Geno Smith. The Ravens made themselves the Undisputed NEW Legion of Boom after what they did to a team that was atop the NFC West for a cup of coffee.

1/Broken Skull Champion) Houston Texans/Philadelphia Eagles

We told you. C.J. Stroud is putting the doubts to rest as he has the Texans in postseason conversation. After breaking Andrew Luck’s single game passing record and tacking on five touchdowns to boot, it is safe to say that if this keeps up, expect to see Houston in that Field of Seven come January. As for the Eagles, no one can deny the swagger anymore. They got challenged and challenged right back when it came to the Cowboys. I expect their rematch in Week 14 to be no different, but at this moment, they earned their spot just like Houston.

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