Saturday Evening QB: When Worlds Collide


By Ron Johnson

I have never been one to encourage collaboration. But then again, maybe I have been. My only issue with the term collaboration is doing that myself. Well today is a little different because I ran into a guy who has football knowledge but is not the most well spoken about it…in other words, he gives sports advice to pigs. 

Today, we resurrect an oldie but goodie as we discuss the antics heading into Week 8 in the NFL, and this time, I won’t be writing this one alone.

Earl Jenkins, Jr. IV: Well it’s daggum time you put some good scribblers in the mix.

“Captain” Ron: I cannot believe the sacrifices I make for this crew. Welcome to the party, Earl.

EJ: When do we start talking about the Cowboys winning that trophy?

CR: I would say a quarter past never going to happen.

After a very hectic Week 7 in the NFL, we find ourselves asking who is going to step up to possibly take down the Chiefs (EJ: The Cowboys will slap them around like a pig in a cow pasture), and will the Panthers EVER get a win this season (EJ: These other teams are jus playing fer second place!). Several teams got big wins last week (EJ: But none of them are the Cowboys) and are looking to keep their newfound momentum going heading into Week Eight (EJ: Still refusing to talk about the best daggum team in the world, Captain?).

The week started off on Thursday with the Buffalo Bills (EJ: You mean them giant cows with no horns surviving the Baked Pirates?) utilizing their defense to defeat the Buccaneers and stay one back of the Dolphins (EJ: Ain’t dey dem fish that taste like chicken? Well that’s what dey look like on dis can.). The Dolphins have the Patriots (EJ: Not as ‘Merican as ‘Merica’s Team.) on Sunday and look to rebound from their loss (EJ: Mo like Hillbilly Stompin’) to the Eagles (EJ: Dat’s dat team that always loses to the Cowboys).

The Saints (EJ : Yo mean the Bayou Fence Posts?) and Colts (EJ: I thought horseshoes were lucky?) both suffered losses last week, but they look to right the ship (EJ: Dey playin’ on ships now?). And the battle of New York (EJ: You mean dem daggum Yankees from the Rotten Apple) will see the lowly Giants (EJ: Shoulda stuck to shine making like we did) and the surprising Jets (EJ: Ain’t tryna fly in those toys) collide with the Jets eyeing a 4-3 record, all this without Aaron Rodgers (EJ: He wouldn’t be hurt if he was with the Cowboys).

In other regional (EJ: What this word you keep saying, this Reginald?) action, the Jaguars (EJ: This is what happens when you don’t spay or neuter your pets like the great Bob Barker said) are looking to keep the momentum going in the AFC South (EJ: Finally talkin’ bout The South! The South shall rise again dagnabbit!) as they face the Steelers in Pittsburgh (EJ: Neil O’Donnell still play for that team?) We will also see a true Southern (EJ: Ya got my ear now, Captain) battle as the Atlanta Falcons (EJ: Georgia be good fer family reunions and quick datin) and Tennessee Titans (EJ: At least dey whiskey decent) will do battle in Nashville (EJ: Elvis would be hoppin’ mad about dem guys). In NFC East action, the Philadelphia (EJ: Dallas’ punchin’ bag) will face the Washington Commanders (EJ: Dallas’ other punchin’ bag) collide with Philly looking to stay atop the NFC East (EJ: Booooooooo!) and apply more pressure on the Cowboys (EJ: Ya kno yer makin’ me mad). Two surprisingly good teams, the Browns (EJ: That be orange) and the Seahawks (EJ: Ya mean chickens by the sea) are set for a key matchup as Cleveland is aiming for the top of the AFC North, and Seattle is looking for the top of the NFC West now that San Francisco’s (EJ: Dallas’ other-other punchin’ bag) lead in the division is gone.

While the lowly Cardinals (EJ: Dey still in St. Louie?) are set to entertain the Ravens, the defending champs (EJ: The Cowboys) will get a little mile high as they face the Broncos (EJ: Land of Diarrhea). A 80s Super Bowl rematch will take place as the Bengals (EJ: Tony the Tiger’s playing football) and Niners will square off that afternoon, the Chargers (EJ: Avoid dat lightnin’) host the Bears (EJ: Ma, get my rifle) before the Lions and Raiders finish up the week on Monday night.

EJ: Wait one daggum minute! You didn’t mention the only game that matters this week and any week! We da ones going to the Super Bowl, and you gon disrespect Dem Boyz like that!

CR: It was not forgetting, Earl. It was by design. I expected you to be drunk and fighting with your cousin/aunt/wife by now.

EJ: Don’t be talkin’ bout Ma like dat!

In any event, there is one more game on the slate tomorrow, an early one no less. It is the Los Angeles Rams (EJ: Daggum Sheep) taking on the Dallas Cowboys (EJ: Da best team in the world!) in early morning action. The Cowboys survived (EJ: DOMINATED!) their Monday night matchup against the Chargers two weeks ago, and the Rams suffered a slap in the face (EJ: Dat’s what happens at hoedowns!) last week against the Steelers. Motivation is everything in this game after the Cowboys embarrassed the Rams last season (EJ: And we gon do it again!), but the Rams are still fuming about last week’s loss and possibly last season’s lack of performance.

EJ: It don’t matter wat dey do, dey losin’ that game quicker than my ma lost…

CR: Her mind? Her hair? Her teeth? God don’t like ugly, Earl.

EJ: I ain’t gonna take this. I’m late for my huntin’ lesson!

CR: Don’t shoot your sister/niece, Earl.

EJ: DAGNABIT! (Slams door to his outhouse)

Now that the stupidity has left the building, I think that is where we leave this piece. Sorry if it didn’t make sense, but you see what I had to work with through all this. Not sure what Earl will do if the Cowboys lose, but I’m sure we won’t hear the end of it. Happy Saturday folks! Now can someone find out what is the quickest way AWAY from THIS: 

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