By Ron Johnson
NFL Week 10
If there is anything better than one nailbiter game, it is a slew of them. From Cleveland screaming ‘Don’t Call it a Comeback!’ to Denver giving Buffalo ‘UNLIMITED DIARRHEA!’, it is safe to say that the madness going on in the NFL is as much of a cluster**** as not expected. But how did they do when The List came calling for one and all?
Who got it right? The NFL (in the Black)? Rockin’ Reese (in the Blue)? Captain Ron (in the Red)? Or all/none?
Dumbass Award: OBJ, Michael Thomas, The Refs, CeeDee Lamb
32) Carolina Panthers/Jacksonville Jaguars/Carolina Panthers
Carolina at the bottom should come as no surprise for anyone, but the fact that they are joined by the Jacksonville Jaguars (who joined the league with Carolina at the same time) should give everyone pause and possibly reconsider if Duuuuuuval is really ready to take on the best the NFC has to offer…especially IF they make it to the Super Bowl.
31) New York Giants/Tennessee Titans/New England Patriots
The Giants couldn’t catch a break if the break was Plaxico Burress. The Titans didn’t really rely on Derrick Henry as much, which in all likelihood cost them a win on Sunday. As for the Patriots, I think it’s time to give Bill Belichick his Ol’ Yeller moment or maybe consider retirement.
30) New England Patriots/New Orleans Saints
The Patriots ended up as 30 on two lists this time around, and that could be said was a gift out of respect. Derek Carr’s time in Nawlins has not been kind to him, and I believe we did have a Jameis Winston sighting to go along with Michael Thomas doing next to nothing in the loss.
29) Arizona Cardinals/New York Jets/Jacksonville Jaguars
The NFL possibly only gave the Cardinals this slot because of their record. The Jets earned this spot because they were trash on Sunday night. The Jags? Well, we all saw the same game on Sunday, right?
28) Chicago Bears/Carolina Panthers/Baltimore Ravens
The Bears got the win on Thursday night against a lowly Panthers team that is now vying for the top spot in next year’s draft (again), and the Ravens did everything right in their game against the Browns and were practically unstoppable…for 30 minutes. Does anyone want to tell them that games are 60 minutes?
27) Los Angeles Rams/New York Giants
The Rams were on a bye week, and here’s to hoping that Carson Wentz stayed healthy enough to possibly resurrect his career the way Baker Mayfield did last season. As the Giants, they’re not even worth talking about as Team Collision both put them close to the bottom after their dismal performance against Dallas.
26) Green Bay Packers/New Orleans Saints/Tennessee Titans
The Packers are a wild card. Don’t get excited Packers fans. Like the Saints and Titans who are joining them at this slot, we never know which version of these teams will truly show up. And that spells trouble in a set of divisions that are being dominated by the unlikeliest of teams (Falcons, Lions, Jags (OH MY!))
25) Tennessee Titans/Green Bay Packers/Cincinnati Bengals
The Titans got a gift from the NFL, but holding Derrick Henry hostage only to watch him suffer is blasphemous. Same can be said about the Packers as they try to move on from A-A-RON! The Bengals possibly let a lot of fans down after their loss to Houston, but they should be disappointed in themselves considering they were finally getting back to relevancy again.
24) Atlanta Falcons/Buffalo Bills
The Falcons should be mad at themselves. They lost to a team that only had one win this season with a quarterback who hadn’t played all season. They better go ahead and send Kyler Murray the new Call of Duty for his sake. As for the Bills, their defense cost them the game, and yet, it was Ken Dorsey that was fired?! The Bills are cooked and well done!
23) Washington Commanders/Atlanta Falcons/Los Angeles Chargers
The Commanders couldn’t keep the Seahawks grounded long enough to win the game and fell to the wrath of the kicker as did Atlanta against Arizona and the Chargers against Detroit. So who should feel like hell the most out of these three guys?
22) New York Jets/Washington Commanders/Buffalo Bills
The Jets are getting gifts almost as much as they’re giving them after that performance against the Raiders. The Commanders could not keep up with the Cowboys in the NFC East, and as stated before, the Bills are not future world champions with the way they’re playing so far.
21) Las Vegas Raiders/Cincinnati Bengals/New York Jets
The NFL gave the Raiders the Blackjack spot, but again, they are winning with a rookie coach. Is that enough to bring DonnWann out of hibernation? The Bengals and Jets just couldn’t buy a victory this weekend, and their performance was mediocre at best. No wonder they’re this far down.
20) Denver Broncos/Baltimore Ravens/Pittsburgh Steelers
The NFL felt the Broncos didn’t give Bills Mafia enough Unlimited Diarrhea, so they put them at 20. The Ravens deserve it after only playing one half of football. Did I forget to mention that their half of dominance was better than anything Pittsburgh did on Sunday?
19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers/Los Angeles Chargers/Washington Commanders
The Bucs got back to their winning ways and managed to break their losing skid. The Chargers and Commanders just couldn’t find ways to get it done when it counted. Maybe the Chargers are starting to realize that they are overrated, and the Commanders are starting to realize that Tron Rivera IS the problem.
18) Los Angeles Chargers/Indianapolis Colts/Atlanta Falcons
Despite better performances, the NFL put the Chargers here. The reason for this escapes me. The Colts survived their trip to Beerfest, but unfortunately, they share this spot with two teams who just couldn’t win, baby, win.
17) Indianapolis Colts/Chicago Bears
The Colts get the 17th spot in the NFL rankings, and it probably has a lot to do with the lack of offensive performance. Same can be said about the Bears, but at least both teams won this week.
16) New Orleans Saints/Tampa Bay Buccaneers/Miami Dolphins
Despite the loss, the Saints are here and share this spot with the Dolphins and division rival Bucs. Maybe New Orleans is finding out what happens when you buy a Carr without test driving first.
15) Minnesota Vikings/Las Vegas Raiders/Seattle Seahawks
The Vikings are finding ways to win without Kirk Counsins, and Josh Dobbs is slowly becoming Mr. Icey 2.0 for them. The Raiders got their second win under Antonio Pierce, and the Seahawks survived a visit from the Commanders prior to their trip to LA for a rematch with the Rams.
14) Buffalo Bills/Los Angeles Rams
The Bills look like stale ass. I’d like to clean it up, but you can’t. They really deflated themselves and put their own backsides through a table. They even have to share this spot with a team that has a worse record than them and even more questions of success than them. But that other team didn’t lose this week. The benefits of a bye.
13) Pittsburgh Steelers/Arizona Cardinals
The Steelers were given this spot because that game was atrocious, but a win’s a win, right? The Cardinals earned this spot by shocking the Falcons who looked like they were that one heartbeat away from erasing the Matt Ryan disease off themselves.
12) Cincinnati Bengals/Denver Broncos/Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The Bengals were gifted as well. Despite losing on Sunday, they were still at a higher rank than expected. The Broncos earned this spot, but they could be higher after what they did to Buffalo (or what Buffalo did to themselves). The Bucs are back to winning. Maybe this will carry over into the next few weeks so they can reclaim a wide open NFC South.
11) Seattle Seahawks/Arizona Cardinals/Indianapolis Colts
Despite everything that could go wrong on Sunday, the Seahawks survived Washington. But the Cardinals win was so much better because it was Kyler’s first game back and away from his controller. He can play COD now I believe. The Colts got the win. No matter if it’s an inch or a mile, winning is winning.
10) Houston Texans/Minnesota Vikings/Las Vegas Raiders
The Texans are right where they should be…just little to no one expected it. But not only are they winning games, but they are also being included in the playoffs talk going around. Same thing with the Vikings as they have found Mr. Icey 2.0 who still hasn’t been given the full blown tour of his new home stadium. The Raiders deserve this spot. Antonio Pierce coached his second game, and it was a win. He already has impressed me more than Josh McDaniels.
9) Cleveland Browns/Seattle Seahawks/Minnesota Vikings
The Browns got the LL Cool J fever, but they don’t want it to look like a comeback. Here’s to hoping that PJ Walker can keep that momentum going now that he’s going to be the starter for the rest of the season. The Seahawks won despite the many times they were handing Washington the game, and the Vikings need to get Dobbs a tour guide and a map.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars/Houston Texans/Denver Broncos
Despite the beatdown from the Niners, the Jags are in the NFL’s top 10. No comment necessary. The Texans earned this by surpassing expectations from all sides this season so far. And the Broncos are almost back to .500 and have a three game winning streak that includes wins over Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen.
7) Dallas Cowboys/Cleveland Browns/San Francisco 49ers
The Cowboys did their job, but they couldn’t match up that Super Bowl score from a long time ago. It’s the Giants. What are you expecting? The Browns came back and got it done in epic fashion in Baltimore, much to the chagrin of Raven’s Flock. The Niners snapped their losing streak and looked impressive while they did it. But can this momentum keep up, or is it time for Kyle Shanahan to be next?
6) Miami Dolphins/San Francisco 49ers/Kansas City Chiefs
Two out of the three teams in this spot did not play this week, which is why they are not eligible for Champions Row. However, the Niners are one of the first teams to be slated at back-to-back-to-back-to-back slots. So that has to count for something. Big Daddy Ed must be very proud of his son the workhorse.
5) San Francisco 49ers/Miami Dolphins/Philadelphia Eagles
The Niners find themselves in the NFL’s Top Five, but that is as far as it goes for now. The Dolphins were off this week, but I’m sure they have already sent Russell and the Broncos are thank you gift basket for beating Buffalo. The Eagles hope to get some revenge next Monday night as they have their Super Bowl Rematch with the Chiefs.
4) Detroit Lions/Kansas City Chiefs/Dallas Cowboys
Detroit was off this week, and they are sweating a little more than normal due to Minnesota getting their footing back. The Chiefs are not sweating at all right now thanks to a Travis Kelce sighting following his trip to Argentina to see girlfriend Taylor Swift. The Cowboys didn’t get 50 points, but they did earn a spot in the Top 5.
Champions Row
3/Universal Champion) Baltimore Ravens/Detroit Lions
Universal Champ for this week happens to be the Detroit Lions. I cannot bring myself to acknowledging Baltimore as Universal Champion because they did what B-Rabbit did at the beginning of 8-Mile: Choke.
2/World Champion) Kansas City Chiefs/Dallas Cowboys/Houston Texans
One of the requirements to be a champion in our List of Collision is…nothing really. We’ve put teams that aren’t even supposed to be there in the first place. So it should come as no surprise that the NFL gave the spot to Kansas City, but it should come as a total surprise that Team Collision gave the spot of World Champion to the State of Texas as Rockin’ Reese chose Dallas, and I chose Houston. This brings us to the top dogs of Week 10.
1/Broken Skull Champion) Philadelphia Eagles/Cleveland Browns
Both the NFL and Rockin’ Reese felt that the Eagles should not be punished for having their bye week. Last time we saw them, they were tush pushing the Cowboys into the loss column. That is a great reason, but if a team isn’t playing that particular week, I can’t in good faith pencil them in as a champion.
But there was a team that realized that they do play this week, and it is because of this that the Broken Skull Belt will go to the Cleveland Browns. Despite losing Deshaun Watson for the rest of the season, the Browns can still be a threat to everyone in the AFC North. Pittsburgh is not that dangerous, Cincinnati is back to 50/50 status, and they just beat Baltimore IN Baltimore no less.
